Lost Inspiration...?

Well, I haven't blogged in AGES. A while back, when I actually started blogging, creative writing yada yada yada... there was something that would drive me to write every second day or so. I would look around while I travel, looking out for things out of the ordinary, things that interest me, things that I can draw inspiration from. My mind was always at work, imagining up fantasy stories in the shower, of werewolves, of vampires, of might and of magic, of despair and of love, everything that I saw could and would be converted into a daydream sequence (yea yea.. sounds lame.. sue me.. Mads, don't answer that one!)

Again, I love to sketch. I keep sketching my aforementioned dream sequences, trying to bring them to life. Sometimes an elf, sometimes a couple holding hands and walking under a lone street lamp set in the backdrop of a moonlit starry night. They would come easily. They say, when you love someone or something, it comes easily to you. It's easy. It becomes easy.

Well, of late my inspiration to write and also to sketch has somehow vanished into thin air. Easy it still is, but not effortless. The urge is gone. The fire's dead so to speak. Ah! However you may put it, the fact remains. I don't feel like writing anymore. At least not for the past month or so. Earlier it used to be as if someone opens a tap and lets the words flow. I never used to think, they just came out as I visualised them in my head. I want that back.

Where the hell did it go, and more important, WHY?
I fail to understand.

Is it that I'm bummed out?
Is it that suddenly I'm too lazy to do even what I love?
Is it that my day is so full that I barely have time left for myself? Even half an hour a day?
Why? Why is it so if it is?

Some call it creative block, writer's block, mental fatigue.
Utter those words to someone and,
Take a break! Chill for sometime! Don't work so hard!

Advice advice advice! Come on people!

Haven't you ever truly wanted to do some things and found that there's just so much time to do them, and everything's fighting for that more of your time, so that at the end of the day, you're left exhausted and wishing you could shut your eyes and leave reality behind for that much longer?
And people wonder why I sleep so much!

Maybe it really is fatigue. I'm doing too many things together, but some of them are commitments I made to myself, and I wish to stick to them.

MBA preps, then office, then gym, NID preps....my day's actually full! Over and above that, bloody Mumbai traffic's a bitch. Traffic jams that make a 20 minute drive home an hour and half long. Makes life that much shorter, with exhaust pipes coughing up unfiltered gases at insanely long traffic signals. WHY can't people get it in their heads to switch off their vehicle at signals of more than 30 seconds? Bloody idiots! And the age-old scrapyard salvaged autorickshaws that form the lifeline of suburbanites. Noise pollution, air pollution and life threateners. Bah!!

GOD! I can go on and on! I'm totally frustrated.
Maybe this is why I started writing in the first place. To reason out my thoughts.
Hmm...good self introspection.

*pats self on back*

Anyway, super-long rant, lotsa random thoughts here, but feeling good. As I say, dil halka ho gaya. Should be out of this slump pretty soon. Planning for a long break from work as it is.

Thanks guys, for bearing with me! I'm outta here! :) \m/

P.S. Will leave you with this thought:

When your dreams are lost and blown away
and you need someone to make your day
I'll be your inspiration

If there comes a time your hope is gone
and you need some help to carry on
I'll be your inspiration

I'll be your inspiration

'Cause when you look into my eyes You can see there's no disguise
Don't be afraid To need someone You don't have to be alone

Don't be afraid To need someone You don't have to be alone

- Ian Van Dahl