Okay, remember that fat woman back when I was having one of those days? Guess what! She was there in my bus. Near me. Right next to me! Her rotundness has gotten rounder. In fact I think she has started causing more global warming than the US. AND she simply had to sit next to me. She didn't recognize me, but I did. I SO DID!

Has anyone told her that it's unwomanly to fart in public?

Which reminds me, did you guys know scientists have discovered a completely indigenous species of humans called Farters. Following are some of the sub-species:

Fartis Blamis - this sub-species is a crafty one, known to let out deadly ones and blame them on the person next to them.

Fartis GoodTimus - they are intellectually smarter than your average farter and time their farts with long and really loud coughs.

Fartis Silentus - these are the most lethal of the species. They let out silent ones that have the potency of nuclear bombs. They are now being termed as Weapons of Mass Destruction. Talks are on to use their asses as biological weapons.

Fartis Acutis - they specialize in letting others know what they had for lunch through a series of soundless but accurately odoured farts. Often confused with Fartis Silentus.

Fartis Opportunitis - these farters have great holding capacities and are often found doing the needful only when there's a loud noise in the immediate surroundings.

Fartis Unfortunatus - Not to be messed with, they try to fart, but end up pooping in their pants instead.

And lastly, of course, the very rare and endangered sub-species
Fartis Meanus - the ones who fart in bed and shake the covers over spouse. They are often found nursing fresh bruises, mostly from frying pans and rolling pins, at the local bar down the lane.

What kind of farter are you?
Let me know in the comment box.


In other news,

I started taking guitar lessons!


I've had this beautiful Granada acoustic for a year but never bothered to get down and dirty with it. But last friday, I decided to make a commitment, and I'm glad I did. It's a beautiful guitar, and the way each note resonates through it's body and into your being is simply blissful. Even though I don't know to play anything barely resembling music, just striking each chord, each string feels good. First class found me struggling to reach with my pinky(oh stop giggling...that's what it's called!) for the last fret and getting cuts on each fingertip, but at the end of two days of practicing I'm happy to announce I now know what each string is called :|
Soon the world shall hear music of the greatness that is me!!

A day back, I bought this awesome thing called a Sun Jar from HitPlay. Now, this is basically a jam jar with a difference. Instead of being boring and jammy, it's got a solar panel fitted inside it's lid and a bulb in the jar. Result? A soft yellow glow that illuminates the room with the barest of lights so that you can just make out the shapes of things far off, but enough light for you to read by it. And it's eco-friendly. How great is that?!

What's cooler is that it's light sensitive. The moment I switch off the lights, it switches on. Awesome eh? You bet!

It's awesome and I'm typing by it's light :D

Cheers y'all!
Thank you for all those who have prayed for my cousin. I wish I'd posted this earlier. Maybe then he'd have got so many more blessings and survived.

I'd mentioned in my previous post that my cousin was battling for his life in the ICU. Well, he fought bravely, but ultimately had to yield in front of God. I guess God didn't want him to suffer anymore and lifted him from this world of pain. I don't necessarily mean physical pain. He was in and out of a coma. His brain had been damaged. I don't know whether he felt anything during his last hours. Which may have been a good thing given his condition. But the mental pain is there. The spirit suffers in a dying body. I don't know what I prayed, but I hoped his pain would go away. And it did. I think it was for the better. No one deserves to live life as a cripple after having known a full fledged life.
He passed away. I should feel sad. Or even disturbed in some way. But I feel nothing. It's strange. It's as though I knew passing away was a better thing for him. Or maybe I can't process death emotionally. I don't know.

Coming to what I want to say. Drive safe. It's not always your fault. If the driver of the other car's an asshole but you're driving a Maruti while he has a Sumo, you're still done for. So don't speed, don't take crazy cuts in traffic. Be safe.

Take care y'all.
Life throws a curveball when you least expect it. And then things start piling up. By things I mean news...bad news, some just a setback, and some other shit. And not just any shit. Shit shit.
It's weird. One week you think you're on top of the world. The next two weeks seem to be a bungee jump into the gutters.

First, MBA results kinda sent me into a semi-self induced depression since I haven't yet made it to a final list. I don't even know whether that is the line I should follow. I'm mentally wired for a completely different profession, one whose scope I don't even know. Either way, results scored major mindfuck points for two whole weeks and didn't seem to get better with time.
Then the whole my-life-is-going-nowhere episode started. In my head. Sometimes mental conversation is a bitch. I swear, that voice in your head never seems to shut up, especially when you're trying to make it. With so much shit swirling in your head like a big gunk of goo, it's a wonder I can carry out conversations with anyone without drifting off.

There's a darkness that swells up within you. It starts right from the time you feel "grown-up", halfway thru your teens. I have that. And it grows with each negative experience, each negative thought, each fight or quarrel, each cruel intention. Sometimes, it gets overwhelming. I imagine hitting a wall, breaking things. Sometimes picking up a fight just so I can break a nose.

I've had people telling me to give it time. I've had people telling me it's gonna be okay. Hell, I've dished out free advice like this more times than I care to recall. Still, it's always easier when you're not on the receiving end of it. Not even on the giving end. Coz if you're giving tension, you're Goddamn sure to be taking some major tension yourself.

Anyway, all this feels so heavy to me. Like it's the end of the world. It's easy to feel that way, especially when you're keeping all these thoughts to yourself, like I am, coz I don't wanna worry anyone. But as they say, Stop feeling bad for yourself because there's always someone who has it much worse. I know someone just the same.

My cousin's been in the ICU for the past eight days or so. MAJOR car accident. A truck rammed his car from the side. I don't remember the specifics, but multiple fractures, temporary coma, brain damage...it's bad.

When you know someone who's battling for his life, it kinda puts things into perspective. We weren't that close. Heck, we barely met. But I know the guy. He's family. And that's more than enough for his condition to be stuck in my head. He's finally started responding, but they say it's touch and go. No guarantees.

I pray.

I don't wanna rant too long, it's shit for your guys to read, but it's shit I'm dishing out of my system so that I can have a clear head. And trust me, it feels good already. I don't like to post rants, or anything too serious...still, I shall post this, so that I can remember, sometime in the future, the thoughts that run through my head now. Seeing things clearly becomes easier if you can remember.
Alright, is it just me or do any of you out there have monkeys jumping all over your terrace and windows and airconditioners and what not? I mean, seriously! I already feel half-naked with yellow underwear and eating loads of bananas :|

Moving on.

This little guy popped in...rather jumped down, onto my airconditioner while I was having a nice afternoon siesta. Imagine my surprise when I opened my eyes to find mowgli staring down at me with all the curiosity of a twelve year old. Kinda looks like Dobby, the house elf doesn't he?? Cute little bugger. I picked up my cam and took a few shots of him strutting his stuff so that he can impress the girls back in the trees.

After all, brothers help each other out...


On more interesting lines, I found these awesomely cute smiley things that you can bake or fry or do whatever you wish and eat them. It's just such a good vibe to see these tiny smiley faces looking up at you in a bunch.


Then you eat them :|

Anywho, that's about as exciting as my life can get at this moment.
Unless I get drunk in the next few hours.

Have people suddenly become less active online? I barely see people I wanna talk to on Facebook and I'm ultra-bored of studying for MBA entrances and other novels.(Yeah, if you don't read like it's a novel, you're bound to die of information overdose. Or you'll lose the book. Either way :P )

Valentine day came and went and all I did was sleep at home!

Bwaaaaa!! :(

Someone get me a valentine!!!

I have cookies!!

*waves cookies in the air*

Okay, now I'm officially typing shit. I'll just go back to counting the number of monkeys that pass by my window. You may return to your boring lives.

Where are we in the scheme of things?
What is it that we fear?
Why is it pointless at times,
and at times crystal clear?

Look around you,
there's so much to see,
But at the end of it all
is it really meant to be?

Here, a man, greed his sole vice,
holds gold to his breast, fears his own shadow,
There another gives up his all
so that his only child may grow.

Avarice - pride, maketh his move,
bringing all he touches to it's ultimate doom,
while one man defies him each day,
feeding twenty orphans in his tiny room.

What's that? Revenge you say?
Or has the wrath got your tongue?
Look at her, her heart glows golden,
Not to her, but her friends it belongs.

Sex drives men to insanity,
or maybe the lack of it.
Gluttony is a heavy burden to one,
and brings lethargy alongwith.

It's all for nothing, really,
we die at the end of it all,
Live for today, and forget the past,
take the leap, forget the fall.
That's the way life should be,
not with chains and bonds and sins abound.
Free your mind, let go of yourself,
that's where salvation's found.
Disclaimer: Profanity used. If you're not okay with it, don't read.


Stop yourself,
watch your mouth,
it's me you don't even think about,
Every time you abuse, shout and scream
Every time you shove a blame,
shivering, crying, throwing the guilt trip,
makin' me feel like a piece of shit.
You never thought,
you never cared,
you never looked back at the words you said.
After what you did, I ain't moving on,
That won't happen till you're long gone.
Or will it be me? To be the one to go?
my life ain't worth a shit to you y'know?
There's the fan,
this is me,
I see how this is all gonna be...

You come into the room,
ready with a stick,
of course you've found a fault in me, you prick!
You bang on the door, abuse my ass,
I don't open, you let time pass.
Your abuses don't end, neither do your drinks,
You don't care what anyone thinks.
Finally you knock my door down,
all you see is my dressing gown,
blowing in the wind, feet in the air,
you say life's a bitch and pull a chair,
hoist me up, put me down,
even in death you can see me frown.
Look at you, you can't even cry,
your eyes are dull, your throat is dry.
Is that emotion, or are you just drunk
from filling your throat with all that junk?
I don't care, not anymore,
I fuckin' hate you, yeah, me! Your whore!
Don't you dare say you're sorry!
You brought it upon your own!
You said you'd love me,
then showed me your true colours.
For thirty years, I took that shit!

Well, last month, for about ten days, I disappeared off the radar for a nice vacation to Shillong. Was definitely the most relaxing vacation I've had till date. And the most scenic too.

I had internet connectivity for the first two days, after which going to a snail-paced cyber-cafe became too much of a pain.

Day 1(14/01/2010):

Alright, this was my very first visit to the North-East city namely Shillong. One entire day's stayover and a nice dinner with my dad and his colleagues left me slightly drunk and a little bit wiser about the workings of the directors of HPCL and what they're all doing. Not that it matters.
Moving on.

Did you know winding roads can make you nauseous? Yeah, but showing awesome courage and some unbelievable bowel control, yours truly managed to keep his senses about him and his breakfast within. Shillong is an awesome place and as far as first impressions go, it definitely impressed. Some kickass sunset views along the winding roads from Guwahati to Shillong was the cherry on top for this first day of my vacations. Oh and did I mention I saw Mount Everest? Finally!
Now I plan to scale it someday, since it looked so accessible. Don't comment on what the real conditions are. I like my daydreams raw.

Now, with all the natural beauty, lakes, mountains, awe-inspiring views and what nots, Shillong has some of the best night life. EVER!! I mean, everything shuts down by 8:00pm. It's like night never even gets a chance to say, "I'm here!" Everyone's indoors and asleep by then! We sat at a bar, having some light dinner and a round of long island iced tea when we realized the bar's empty. What time was it? 9:00pm. It's like the boogie-mans's dream. Roads empty, shops shut by 9:30pm. Heck! Here in Mumbai(I prefer saying Bombay but for instigating some fanatic parties)...well, as I was saying, here in Mumbai, 9:00pm is the time I get out of my house for some night-life action, be it parties, dinner or otherwise. I hear here in Shillong, the DJ parties start in the afternoon and get done by around 6-7pm. Day after tomorrow, I'm gonna go to a DJ live performance that starts at 8:00pm. Just IMAGINE what an exclusive event it's gonna be!

Dinner got done by 9pm, that too a very very light dinner. For the night(the REAL night, up to at least around 12am) we've stocked up on glucose biscuits and bottled milk in case we starve of hunger.

It's gonna be a long long LONG series of vacation nights!!

Day 2(15/01/2010):
Day two started off with a very very drowsy me waking up at 7.30am thinking the day's begun. Then I fell asleep again.

The day saw us heading for what is the third oldest golf club in India. Huge-ass golf course(as all golf-courses are) and SO far from where I'm staying. It was a six kilometer hike and from there, another five kilometers or so to the middle of a forest. A total of eleven kilometers but trust me, it felt a lot more. But it was all worth it for the journey, for what better way to explore a place than to walk? It's a hillside forest filled with pine trees and valleys. Beautiful! And that's just in winter. Now imagine the entire vista in lush green! Nature treks take a lot out of a person and we simply had no energy to hike all the way back. That too uphill! I tell you, my ass has never felt so sore and I wasn't even spanked. Although I'd have liked it. By a girl. A hot one.

Close to the forest there was a small shack where we had some awesome pork curry served by the most soft spoken little girl I've ever had the pleasure of talking to. She was too sweet.

Around 3:30pm we were back in our hotel thinking of what to do when we met one of Madhur's local friends, Bobby. He dropped by with his son. Now, the thing about these pahadi(for lack of a better term) guys is that they look SO young! I could have sworn Bobby was not a year more than thirty years old when he was actually forty!

A nice round of drinks and some time at the bar later, we had dinner, and what a dinner it was!! Thai curry with mushrooms and chicken, pork chops and fried rice and some awesome roasted peanuts. And then, because of a misunderstanding, we got a plate of chilly pork too! Not to waste food, we wiped the plates clean of the thai curry and chilly pork. As for the pork chops? Not to worry! We got that parceled and brought it back to our hotel room for some chilled out midnight snacks.

Good end to a good day eh?

Well, needless to say, after the second day, I realized words can't do justice to beauty. So I'll let you guys be the judge of it.

Green green hills with wide blue vistas!
From Shillong 2010

And one without me :D
From Shillong 2010

This view blew me away! Look how small the house appears against the sky!
From Shillong 2010

Somewhere close by
From Shillong 2010

Cherrapunji, point Zero, above cloud level
Everything you see behind me are clouds!
From Shillong 2010

An early view of the ocean below.
An ocean of clouds!
From Shillong 2010

Felt like diving into it!(This was just fifteen minutes after the previous picture. Check out the contrasts!)
From Shillong 2010

Light in my hands
From Shillong 2010

Check out the hues on this one! Waited for an hour for it!
From Shillong 2010

Plate of pork-rice we had near a power station somewhere in the middle of nowhere:
From Shillong 2010

Mauphlang dam - we found this viewpoint quite by chance. The road to the base of the dam was closed. So we climbed around the road onto this small path which gave us an awesome view of everything around
From Shillong 2010

A river worth a white-water rafting adventure. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough water.
From Shillong 2010

Inside a stalactite cave. I guess there were stalagmites too...still, it was mighty cramped in there!
From Shillong 2010

A fleeting look into the approaching clouds before I had to put my camera inside my bag to avoid it getting wet:
From Shillong 2010

Days and night within the city are pretty much the same. It's the open countryside(rather mountainside) that's the best experience!

I shall be posting a few more pictures in the next post too. Watch out for them! =D
I entered the coffee shop, knowing I was late in meeting my friend there. I'd kept her waiting for half an hour since my boss kept me back for some important presentations. Finally escaping his clutches, I rushed in to find her waiting. I sat down, apologizing to her. And that's when I saw you. At first, it was just a passing glance. You looked quite attractive with the black tank top and jeans, your shoulder-length hair flowing smoothly down to your neck. You sat cross-legged, staring off into space(or so I thought) as your friend talked to you. As I ordered my coffee and chatted with my friend, I could make out that you were staring at me, and I liked it. It's so strange, yet so very exciting when you notice a stranger taking interest in you, isn't it? I kept talking to my friend, all the while trying to be as cool as possible to impress you. But I didn't think you'd care enough to notice.
On my way back home, as I sat in my car, all I could think of was you. I don't really know why, but you seemed very familiar to me. As if I'd met you somewhere, or knew you...as if we'd already met long back and forgot about it. I just couldn't imagine where the connection was.

A birthday party usually sounds interesting to me. There's always something or the other to do. But when your entire family's invited, it's a whole new ball game. The crazy games and loud music gives way to formal socializing, the Hi's and Hello's, people(mostly aunties in heavily clad silk sarees) screeching at the top of their voices as they see some long lost acquaintance. BORING! "God, Save me! Sometime soon please!" I prayed. This one was the birthday of my dad's colleague's son. His second birthday. So naturally the entire office was invited. As dad went on and on about his office work and mom socialized with the rest of the older generation, I looked around, lost and quite bored, searching for the company of someone remotely related to my generation when I saw you. I couldn't believe it! The very same girl who I've been thinking about for so long is in this very party! But I didn't know you. And I very well couldn't just walk up to you and start talking away to glory now, could I? Even so, you were quite busy with your phone, seemingly texting one message after another, leaving me no opening to go and introduce myself. I stood there, admiring you. You were so well dressed for the party...a black cocktail dress with your hair tied up in a bun and a silver pendant to match your earrings. A real beauty among the highly over-dressed older generation. I had to get your attention somehow. Perhaps a song would do? I'd learnt to strum a song or two on the guitar, so I thought of taking the chance. Taking centre stage was not quite what I was prepared for, but I did it anyway. Faking a dedication to the birthday boy, I started playing the song I knew the best. I hoped my voice would float across the room to you, and it did! You looked up the instant I started playing and I saw recognition dawn on your face as your eyes met mine.
Later that evening, as my dad introduced me to your family, I was quite amused to see your reaction. How embarrassed you looked as I hinted that I'd noticed you staring at me in the coffee shop. Well, now that we know each other, let's see where this takes us.

Till the time you close your eyes,
I will be right here.
Till the time you dream again,
I will be right here.
A tender memory, a blissful thought,
a figment of your fantasy.
Whispering dreams onto your lashes,
Slowly caressing your tender cheeks.
Till the time you close your eyes,
I will be right here.
Till the time you dream again,
I will be right here.


This little piece struck me when I read this wonderful dream by Esther, probably what the boy must have been thinking.