Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Fartis Silentus and Sunlight in a Jar


Okay, remember that fat woman back when I was having one of those days? Guess what! She was there in my bus. Near me. Right next to me! Her rotundness has gotten rounder. In fact I think she has started causing more global warming than the US. AND she simply had to sit next to me. She didn't recognize me, but I did. I SO DID!

Has anyone told her that it's unwomanly to fart in public?

Which reminds me, did you guys know scientists have discovered a completely indigenous species of humans called Farters. Following are some of the sub-species:

Fartis Blamis - this sub-species is a crafty one, known to let out deadly ones and blame them on the person next to them.

Fartis GoodTimus - they are intellectually smarter than your average farter and time their farts with long and really loud coughs.

Fartis Silentus - these are the most lethal of the species. They let out silent ones that have the potency of nuclear bombs. They are now being termed as Weapons of Mass Destruction. Talks are on to use their asses as biological weapons.

Fartis Acutis - they specialize in letting others know what they had for lunch through a series of soundless but accurately odoured farts. Often confused with Fartis Silentus.

Fartis Opportunitis - these farters have great holding capacities and are often found doing the needful only when there's a loud noise in the immediate surroundings.

Fartis Unfortunatus - Not to be messed with, they try to fart, but end up pooping in their pants instead.

And lastly, of course, the very rare and endangered sub-species
Fartis Meanus - the ones who fart in bed and shake the covers over spouse. They are often found nursing fresh bruises, mostly from frying pans and rolling pins, at the local bar down the lane.

What kind of farter are you?
Let me know in the comment box.


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In other news,

I started taking guitar lessons!

Yay!!

I've had this beautiful Granada acoustic for a year but never bothered to get down and dirty with it. But last friday, I decided to make a commitment, and I'm glad I did. It's a beautiful guitar, and the way each note resonates through it's body and into your being is simply blissful. Even though I don't know to play anything barely resembling music, just striking each chord, each string feels good. First class found me struggling to reach with my pinky(oh stop giggling...that's what it's called!) for the last fret and getting cuts on each fingertip, but at the end of two days of practicing I'm happy to announce I now know what each string is called :|
Soon the world shall hear music of the greatness that is me!!
BWahahahhahaa!!!!


A day back, I bought this awesome thing called a Sun Jar from HitPlay. Now, this is basically a jam jar with a difference. Instead of being boring and jammy, it's got a solar panel fitted inside it's lid and a bulb in the jar. Result? A soft yellow glow that illuminates the room with the barest of lights so that you can just make out the shapes of things far off, but enough light for you to read by it. And it's eco-friendly. How great is that?!


What's cooler is that it's light sensitive. The moment I switch off the lights, it switches on. Awesome eh? You bet!

It's awesome and I'm typing by it's light :D

Cheers y'all!

16 comments:

Georgina said...

Wow, does it really give off that much light? I totally want one. I was disappointed by my NOMA solar outdoor lights but that thing looks really bright. Great for emergencies too, I suppose! - G

Ana said...

Well, atleast you picked up a healthy topic for me to read early in the morning :| Well written :P

BTW, continue those guitar lessons! I'm starting with flute soon =)

Abhinav said...

Guitar learning is a tough task! :) Even my Guitar is somewhere attracting dust and cockroaches!

and that sun jar is awesome!

Hehe keep farting!

Mads said...

i dont fart :| im a woman che..
and lol @ that fat woman :D

and the sun jar seems super cool :)
keep up guitaring :)
take care aahe :)

IcE MaiDeN said...

Hey that jar looks supercool! wow that much light? :)

ROFL at your er.... airy problem :P :D

Nice guitar! Me got a black Jack N' Danny and I absolutely adore it :) I have been skipping lessons though :( bcz no time.. :(

Cheers,
Annie.

Amandasaurus said...

Oooh a light in a jar! I would so illuminate my entire room with those.

You left out a species of farter: the fartis cafeteriis. That's the guy who only farts after eating shitty cafeteria food. But of course, I'm a lady so I don't have that problem.

Mohan said...

Hey Shaunak! You have a nice blog buddy. First time here.. and I thoroughly enjoyed reading this article. LIke the sense of humor that you weave with words :) I am not sure what kind of farisan I am.... let me see if I ever get to notice one myself to comment more on that!

Sun Jar looks so cool. A friend of mine designs such series of solar products and sells them at a discounted price for my blog readers. If that renewable source entices you more, feel free to read through :)

And yes, I will be frequent here going forward.

雪糕 said...

以簡單的行為愉悅他人的心靈,勝過千人低頭禱告。........................................

Life 24*7 said...

Awesome super cool stuff dude !!

- Sugar Cube - said...

Wow the sun jar is pretty great!

Guitar lessons..that's cool!
Wish I cld learn playing that too :|

Yemiledu said...

The same feelings I had when I bought my guitar..himm Givison...But I guess I lost my commitment on learning it these days :)

Hey and that jar..I wish I could find one..sounds interesting!

Insignia said...

Hahahahaha...Excellente...Your segregating of farting...Observations and experience huh?

Learning guitar? Ohhh...great..

And the jar is awesome. Is it available everywhere?

Urvashi said...

Hmm..first part of ur post...reminds me of CHATUR in 3 idiots... :P :P
where did u find this research 4m....?? :P

n u learning guitar...thts cool..... :)

n urjam jar...i liked the whole idea n light sensitive too..wow... i nvr heard abt it earlier..its sounds really innovative :) :)

Shaunak said...

@Georgina
It's great and almost zero maintenance :D
Plus there's a few DIY online that lets you make one exactly like it. Just that I couldn't find small solar panels anywhere here.

@Ana
Did it help in your early morning chores? ;)
Flute's awesome! It's next on my list and I already know a bit of it.

@Abhinav
Guitar's a bit tough, but awesome too! AND the sun jar :D

@Mads
You elegantly let off steam then? :O
Take care aahe too :D

@Ice Maiden
Jar's great and it's my permanent nightlight :D
My airy problems are usually not my own :P

@Amandasaurus
fartis cafeteriis...hmm, you may be onto a completely new breed - the working kind!

@Mohan
Thank you! :) Lemme know what kind of fartian you are..it'll help in my research :D
I'll go through your blog then! I'm all for green energy!

Shaunak said...

@Neha
Thank you! :)

@Sugar Cube
Offshoot from S4T's facebook post, if you DO marry someone from Iceland, will your kids actually be ice cubes? :D
Sorry, just HAD to ask that one ;)
Try your hand at guitar. It's great, and not too tough to learn. And it gets obsessive after a while ;)

@Yemiledu
Check it out online, there's always something there. Or tell me where you live and probably I can link you to something too.
Gibson's a great brand for guitars :)

@Insignia
Observations. All the way. And some experiences that are too traumatic to recall :P
The sun jar's available online. Check it out on the link in my post.

@Urvashi
Hahaha...Chatur was definitely fartis blamis :P
Try a DIY Jam jar light if you're good at crafts. I couldn't find a solar panel for mine, so I just purchased the thing :D

Pooja Menon said...

My first time here. A really nice blog with a pleasing template. And yeah the species of farters u've mentioned were damn hilarious. ROFL.. That Sun Jar thingy's cool man.. Looking forward to get one.. Keep penning.. :)