Friday, April 16, 2010

Worst movies to sell a product!

AAAAAAAAAaaaaahhh!!

I won't say I'm back. I'll just start typing as fast as I can!

Utsav at Illegal Briefs (yea the chaddi chor types Briefs) said the latest Youngistaan Ka Wow ads starring Gamemaster Gogo...erm....Sanjay Butt and Ranbir Ka-poor trying to score off IPL. How many of you guys believe that? Raise your hands.
One...two...three...ah crap! All of you...
Here's a list of my top three movies that practically survived on their sponsorships since they had horrendous scripts and equally bad acting to follow them up. I mean reall REALLY bad acting. Have you tried watching two men talk inside a glass doored cabin? Lip sync them with a Lady Gaga music video and that's about what you get from these movies. With lots of guns, leather and other shit that's supposed to be uber sexy.
So, here goes!

1. Evolution




Oh.My.God! I mean really OMG! It's probably been ages since I've seen a movie that I laughed so hard at! Two college professors, one hormonal female scientist and a firefighter cadet fight an alien organism that tries to take over the world. Should be interesting right? Right. Apparently the only thing this alien thingie is allergic to is Head and Shoulders(wtf ?!). So they fill a firetruck with H&S, shove it down the giant alien's humongous arse-hole and fill it's insides with shampoo, thereby defeating it and saving the world from total domination. Ignoring the fact that it's plain stupid, one and a half hours of watching the movie ends it with:
"For smooth and silky hair, use Head and Shoulders!"
Ha! for advertising a product! :D


2. Mission Istanbul


A promising journalist gets posted to Istanbul to cover a controversial news piece about terrorism. Aided by a turkish commando and catwoman, he battles the good fight. Pan camera at a parking lot. Our two heroes and one feline heroine are style-maarofying, waiting for something to happen when lots of big muscular guys from the Istanbuli akhadas appear out of nowhere like a new level of Prince of Persia. Our journalist friend almost shat in his pants at the thought of fighting these thugs when Lady Huntresswali goes to her jeep, opens the boot and pulls out an icebox.
"Tumhe darr lag raha hai? Lo Mountain Dew piyo. Kyonki Dar ke aage jeet hai!" (wtf! pt.2!!)
As soon as all three have done a bottoms up of their cans of Dew, they go "I am The One!" on all twenty thugs sending them flying into the air.
After the movie I was convinced Mountain Dew would drive Red Bull and Viagra both off the market!


3. Blade Trinity


Okay, she's hot. SO WHAT? Apart from wearing hopelessly tight leather pants(okay, I like that bit too..), Abigail, the third member of the Blade team has the unusually weird habit of creating a custom iTunes playlist for every time she goes vampire hunting. I mean seriously! her iPod must have seen more action than her in the movie. Apart from being fucking senseless in having loud music blaring in your ears when you're fighting blood-thirsty undead people, how does she even know when her friends are in danger? For all we know, in her mind it's all, "BIFF! POW! WHACK! You are my sunshine, my only sunshine... WHAM! SNICK! WHOOSH! .....you make me happy, when skies are grey... KABOOM!"
Apple must have been mighty pleased with all the action their iPod saw.


Now, let me know yours!

14 comments:

Dhanya said...

ROFL! The H&S one takes the cake! OMG..

Boundlessdreamz said...

Never knew there were worse movies than mission instanbul.

Btw afaik apple doesn't do product placements. It is just that artists like their macs, so macs are very common in movies

Amandasaurus said...

Hah! I need to watch more crappy movies, clearly. It's good to know that if I ever need to be safe from aliens, the shower is a good place to hide... and it's full of weapons!

水憲妤慧 said...

愛情是盲目的,但婚姻恢復了它的視力。......................................................

Aw.S.M said...

Dude in that case this applies to every srk movie...havent u noticed how haule haule pyaar only happens in a santro :P...and the millions of cigarettes sold after DON...

anyways fun to be bloggin again hai na :)...

AwSM...

Insignia said...

Yeah!! this strategy is being devised to earn some 'paisa'. I saw a tamil movie when the hero always carried Sunfeast biscuits and asks people to munch :-S

Life 24*7 said...

ROFL !! Thankfully i haven't seen any of these, but would be worthwhile for just the laughs !! :-D

Shaunak said...

@Dhanya
Totally! You should have been there when I watched the movie the first time on HBO! I shouted OH COME ON!! so loudly people rushed into my room :P

@BD
Apple doesn't, but this one got some major exposure in terms of iTunes. A full clip of her exploring the application and transfering music to her iPod? I think it's decent placement.

@Amandasaurus
Oh your shower weapons are effective against aliens, muggers, buggers and even rats.
Try 'em! :D

@Aw.S.M.
Shahrukh can't go without a Santro and Sunfeast and John without Garnier.
Blogging is AwSM! :D

@Insignia
You sure that Tamil movie didn't have Shahrukh in disguise? Sunfeast is his domain :D

@Neha
Check them all out! Ek se badhkar ek!

Ana said...

Okay, ROFL =)) =))

The blade trinity part. :P What with the background sound effects, do you EVER think that hollywood can survive? Nah!

Infact, a whole scene can be done without dialogues and just yanni playing in the back..Err, alright I'm talking about mushy stuff but it still applies here :|

I just loved this post xD

P.S: Sorry, I cannot portray an example of a movie selling a product. I do know about movies promoting brand names but they were too normal :s

Harini said...

LOL! I am so thanking my stars to not have see any of these movies :P.

Esther said...

He he he ! Haven't watched any of these! :P
But I like the way you wrote about it all hehe! :D

Keep posting re Oyee :P !

Insignia said...

Oh yeah; but in the South, the hero of that movie represents and endorses Sunfeast :-)

kish said...

OMG with the first one and to top it all, David Duchovny is actually a good actor.:) So much for reading scrips.
I guess he 'matured' when he started protraying Hank Moody in californication

Mads said...

lol
1&2 is still okay i guess
but mission istanbul? were u on a mission suicide by even thinknig of choosing that movie? :O
roflsome post par :P