Skip to main content

Worst movies to sell a product!


I won't say I'm back. I'll just start typing as fast as I can!

Utsav at Illegal Briefs (yea the chaddi chor types Briefs) said the latest Youngistaan Ka Wow ads starring Gamemaster Gogo...erm....Sanjay Butt and Ranbir Ka-poor trying to score off IPL. How many of you guys believe that? Raise your hands.
One...two...three...ah crap! All of you...
Here's a list of my top three movies that practically survived on their sponsorships since they had horrendous scripts and equally bad acting to follow them up. I mean reall REALLY bad acting. Have you tried watching two men talk inside a glass doored cabin? Lip sync them with a Lady Gaga music video and that's about what you get from these movies. With lots of guns, leather and other shit that's supposed to be uber sexy.
So, here goes!

1. Evolution

Oh.My.God! I mean really OMG! It's probably been ages since I've seen a movie that I laughed so hard at! Two college professors, one hormonal female scientist and a firefighter cadet fight an alien organism that tries to take over the world. Should be interesting right? Right. Apparently the only thing this alien thingie is allergic to is Head and Shoulders(wtf ?!). So they fill a firetruck with H&S, shove it down the giant alien's humongous arse-hole and fill it's insides with shampoo, thereby defeating it and saving the world from total domination. Ignoring the fact that it's plain stupid, one and a half hours of watching the movie ends it with:
"For smooth and silky hair, use Head and Shoulders!"
Ha! for advertising a product! :D

2. Mission Istanbul

A promising journalist gets posted to Istanbul to cover a controversial news piece about terrorism. Aided by a turkish commando and catwoman, he battles the good fight. Pan camera at a parking lot. Our two heroes and one feline heroine are style-maarofying, waiting for something to happen when lots of big muscular guys from the Istanbuli akhadas appear out of nowhere like a new level of Prince of Persia. Our journalist friend almost shat in his pants at the thought of fighting these thugs when Lady Huntresswali goes to her jeep, opens the boot and pulls out an icebox.
"Tumhe darr lag raha hai? Lo Mountain Dew piyo. Kyonki Dar ke aage jeet hai!" (wtf! pt.2!!)
As soon as all three have done a bottoms up of their cans of Dew, they go "I am The One!" on all twenty thugs sending them flying into the air.
After the movie I was convinced Mountain Dew would drive Red Bull and Viagra both off the market!

3. Blade Trinity

Okay, she's hot. SO WHAT? Apart from wearing hopelessly tight leather pants(okay, I like that bit too..), Abigail, the third member of the Blade team has the unusually weird habit of creating a custom iTunes playlist for every time she goes vampire hunting. I mean seriously! her iPod must have seen more action than her in the movie. Apart from being fucking senseless in having loud music blaring in your ears when you're fighting blood-thirsty undead people, how does she even know when her friends are in danger? For all we know, in her mind it's all, "BIFF! POW! WHACK! You are my sunshine, my only sunshine... WHAM! SNICK! WHOOSH! make me happy, when skies are grey... KABOOM!"
Apple must have been mighty pleased with all the action their iPod saw.

Now, let me know yours!


Dhanya said…
ROFL! The H&S one takes the cake! OMG..
Boundlessdreamz said…
Never knew there were worse movies than mission instanbul.

Btw afaik apple doesn't do product placements. It is just that artists like their macs, so macs are very common in movies
Amandasaurus said…
Hah! I need to watch more crappy movies, clearly. It's good to know that if I ever need to be safe from aliens, the shower is a good place to hide... and it's full of weapons!
水憲妤慧 said…
Aw.S.M said…
Dude in that case this applies to every srk movie...havent u noticed how haule haule pyaar only happens in a santro :P...and the millions of cigarettes sold after DON...

anyways fun to be bloggin again hai na :)...

Insignia said…
Yeah!! this strategy is being devised to earn some 'paisa'. I saw a tamil movie when the hero always carried Sunfeast biscuits and asks people to munch :-S
Life 24*7 said…
ROFL !! Thankfully i haven't seen any of these, but would be worthwhile for just the laughs !! :-D
Shaunak said…
Totally! You should have been there when I watched the movie the first time on HBO! I shouted OH COME ON!! so loudly people rushed into my room :P

Apple doesn't, but this one got some major exposure in terms of iTunes. A full clip of her exploring the application and transfering music to her iPod? I think it's decent placement.

Oh your shower weapons are effective against aliens, muggers, buggers and even rats.
Try 'em! :D

Shahrukh can't go without a Santro and Sunfeast and John without Garnier.
Blogging is AwSM! :D

You sure that Tamil movie didn't have Shahrukh in disguise? Sunfeast is his domain :D

Check them all out! Ek se badhkar ek!
Ana said…
Okay, ROFL =)) =))

The blade trinity part. :P What with the background sound effects, do you EVER think that hollywood can survive? Nah!

Infact, a whole scene can be done without dialogues and just yanni playing in the back..Err, alright I'm talking about mushy stuff but it still applies here :|

I just loved this post xD

P.S: Sorry, I cannot portray an example of a movie selling a product. I do know about movies promoting brand names but they were too normal :s
Harini said…
LOL! I am so thanking my stars to not have see any of these movies :P.
Esther said…
He he he ! Haven't watched any of these! :P
But I like the way you wrote about it all hehe! :D

Keep posting re Oyee :P !
Insignia said…
Oh yeah; but in the South, the hero of that movie represents and endorses Sunfeast :-)
kish said…
OMG with the first one and to top it all, David Duchovny is actually a good actor.:) So much for reading scrips.
I guess he 'matured' when he started protraying Hank Moody in californication
Mads said…
1&2 is still okay i guess
but mission istanbul? were u on a mission suicide by even thinknig of choosing that movie? :O
roflsome post par :P

Popular posts from this blog

Awesome BTL campaigns and Brand Activations!

Okay, so with great power comes great responsibility. Uncle Ben clearly never worked in an ad agency. Even with the chindi powers of an account planner, there comes the responsibility of coming up with the wildest strategy ideas that the brand can accomodate. This brought me to an oft-used old school marketing technique that's been making a comeback in recent times - BTL, urf Below The Line.
See, there were these two sisters A and B. They were strippers at a club. A was the sleazy but slightly less beautiful one while B was extremely hot yet of a nicer nature. Owing to their personalities, their performances were far far different from each other. A always took centrestage, twisted the pole, held the entire crowd's attention. B on the other hand, was the lap dancer, keeping herself to private performances. Since A was right on the stage, she got a lot of tips from the entire crowd, but she could never tell how much she'd get, but it pleased everyone, so it pleased her as …

Classroom Shayaris!

Been a long time! MICA's a blast and there's a lot to do. But in the midst of it all, classroom capers are commonplace. So, presenting a few of what I like to call Classroom Shayaris, courtesy yours truly being bored to death from four hours of sleep and a droning professor:

Tere pyaar ne kar diya pagal,
Tere pyaar ne kar diya pagal,
Shareholder's equity is called share capital!
Wah wah wah!

Dum maaro dum, mit jaaye gum,
Dum maaro dum, mit jaaye gum,
A share's issue price can be at a premium!

(I think this deserves an applause :P )


Dikhne mein toh tu lagti hai badi sweet,
Dikhne mein toh tu lagti hai badi sweet,
Liabilities and assets come in Balance Sheet!

(sadly jis ladki ko yeh shayari maari, she ran away disgusted. I haven't been able to figure out why :| )


Birthday post and BACK TO BLOGGING!!

(Left to right: Abhishek, Jahnvi, Yours truly, Karen, Zubair, Neeraj, Alisha)

Gosh! It's been almost a month, and what a month it's been. Pressure, studies, CAT...crazy stuff. But all that comes later. Coz today was my birthday.

People say you find your true friends in the direst and most trying of situations. Situations that test your bond. That test your trust. That's of course true. But in no way is that the only way to know who your true friends are. Because, today, I realized what friendship is all about. It's not about all that mushy stuff, being there all the while, doing things for you....that's all valid, yes, but it rarely happens in day to day life doesn't it? A friend is someone whom you care about, someone you can be yourself and more with, and they won't judge you either way, because they know you in and out.

I used to think a 21st birthday is all about spending time partying, drinking, celebrating your step into the &q…